It's probably best to not be out when the Rapture comes because of all the cars without drivers and whatnot.

OK, so I never took the whole Rapture thing seriously. I even made plans for after 6 p.m. yesterday: I went to a ballgame.

Unlike many of my more liberal friends, I know all about the fundamentalist theology, so I knew this Harold Camping character was wrong. For one thing, only God is supposed to know. Jesus is quoted as saying even he doesn’t know when the end will come.

The Rapture isn’t in the Bible, although you can probably twist Revelation to say it’s going to happen.

As a kid, I was told to be ready ALL the time because the Antichrist was probably already born and growing up in Europe somewhere because the Eurpoean Common Market (which became the European Union) would become the one world government and the Pope would bring about this watered-down one world church and we who believed the truth would be persecuted.

The bar code would become the Mark of the Beast, and without it we wouldn’t be able to buy food or anything.

It was never clear whether this would begin before or after the Rapture, but the Rapture would be followed by seven years of Tribulation, which we definitely didn’t want to be around for. Lots of death and misery, topped off by the Apocalypse, which is supposed to be really messy.

This theology kept me very scared for a very long time. But as I grew and learned, I figured it was kind of like the government telling me we’re doing the right thing in Vietnam.

My epiphany came when a guest preacher at my church said — from the pulpit — “We’re doing the Lord’s work in Vietman killing all those Godless gooks.”

I was 17, and I was opposed to the war. I also was opposed to hate language (I still oppose both).

My parents would wash my mouth out with soap for using racial epithets, and I believed the Greatest Commandment: Love God and love your neighbor as yourself.

I approached the minister after church and told him I didn’t think we were supposed to be killing God’s children at all, since there’s a period at the end of, “Thou shalt not kill.”

My pastor told me I should show respect, and I told him I was showing respect, but not for this advocate of war; I was showing respect for God’s children.

It didn’t surprise me when the Rapture didn’t happen any more than it didn’t surprise anyone else I know.

But when it does happen, I’m going straight to the Mini Cooper dealership and getting me a sweet little red one.