The Al Qaeda New-Leadership Qualifying Questionnaire

May 8, 2011 a world of progress, progressive living Comments Off on The Al Qaeda New-Leadership Qualifying Questionnaire

Thanks to Jonathan Wolfman for this piece. Check out his other work at Blog Shots and tell him AWOP sent ya.

 

Al Qaeda has announced that its search for a new leader is underway. — John King on CNN


1. Your Name_______________________

2. Your Courier’s Name________________

3. Your Disaffected Pre-Teen Jihad-in-Training Name__________

4.  Your Facebook Name________________

5.  Your My-Jihad Name__________

6.  Check All That Apply:

a.__ I can build a Kalishnikov rifle from sand.

b.___I can wield a scimitar.

c.___If selected, I will give up

My Comcast account__.

My S.I. subscription___.

Chinese Take-Out___.

d.___I dislike the Renaissance.

e.___I very much disdain modernism.

f.___I simply cannot abide post-modernism.

g.___Jews like d, e, f; I dislike Jews immensely.

h.___I think the Indiana Jones scene where he offs the Brother in the robe who’s wielding a scimitar, you know, the one where he casually shoots him with a gun, is

(check all that apply)

___unfair

___very unfair

___a grossly unfair by-product of American arrogance

___Hollywood is controlled by Jews

___so is Bollywood

___was plagiarised from an Israeli Army documentary

i. ___I used to like my Crickett Phone but now I hate what the data-package includes.

j. ___I think The Temps were better than The Four Tops.

k. ___I am a deeply spiritual killer.

 

l.  Is There a Song In Your Heart?

Yes!

I Most Identify With (check one):

i ____     Bet You’re Wondering How I Knew

Of Your Plans To Make Me

Blue

With Some Other Guy You Knew Before

Between the Two of Us Guys

You Know I Love You More

It Took Me By Surprise, I Must Say

When I Found Out Yesterday…

Don’t You Know That I

Heard It Through The Grapevine

Not Much Longer Would You Be Mine

Oh, I Heard It Through The Grapevine

And I’m Just About To Lose My Mind

Honey, Honey, Yeahhhhh

or

ii  ___       I Don’t Like You, But I Love You,

Seems That I’m Alwaa-aays Thinking of You.

Oh, Oh, Oh You Treat Me Badly,

I Love You Madly…

You Really Got A Hold On Me.

or

iii  ___    The Night We Met I Knew I Needed You So,

And, If I Had The Chance, I Knew I’d Never

Let You Go.

So, Won’t You Say You Love Me?

I’ll Make You So Proud of Me!

We’ll Make ‘Em Turn Their Heads, Ah

Everywhere We Go…

So

Won’t You Please, Be My, Be My Baby,

My One & Only Baby

Be My, Be My Baby

Be My Baby

Now-ow-ow.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

 

m. __ I dislike nosey neighbors with multiple antennae.

n.  ___I think Pakistani Garrison Towns aren’t really all that.

o. ___I think Matlock’s Jihad name, when he was in the Atlanta Cell, should remain among the Pure.

p. ___I have no fear of:

-1 __”24″ re-runs

-2 ___Penelope Garcia

-3 ___Abby from NCIS or that nerd-guy she works with

-4 ___Jinns or Djinns

q. __I Can See Ramallah From My House.


Bin Laden is dead

May 2, 2011 a world of progress Comments Off on Bin Laden is dead

I feel very uncomfortable celebrating the death of anyone, even the monster that Osama bin Laden was.

I was relieved to hear the news last night,  but this does mean he becomes a martyr, and there will be attempts at retaliation. I don’t think this will cause al Qaeda to fall apart all at once, and it certainly won’t end terrorism.

And I don’t believe it’s proper to throw a party.

Bin Laden caused a lot of pain and heartache around the world. He was the leader of a group that killed nearly 3,000 Americans in a single day. I knew some of the dead and a lot of the survivors whose lives were changed forever on that morning nearly 10 years ago.

I do not believe in the death penalty; I never have. But the world is a safer place without him, and it is best that he died.

However, need to remember that it was American policy in the 1980s that created Bin Laden and al Qaeda. We wanted him to fight the Russians, who had invaded Afghanistan. We armed him and trained him, and he turned against us, as often happens when one creates a monster.

In the 1980s, we didn’t care that he was a religious fanatic; giving him arms and training was expedient then, so we did it without considering the consequences. We did the same thing with Saddam Hussein in Iraq, and then we took him down when he turned against us and we couldn’t use him anymore. History is full of such examples.

One might hope we would learn our lesson, but I don’t think so. We Americans tend to be short-sighted, looking at what appears useful today, despite the havoc it might create next week.

I don’t want to be an isolationist because we are members of a world community, but we are not called to be the police of the world. We spend more on our military than any other country in the world and we consider the Pentagon’s budget to be untouchable.

At the same time our money is being spent on war and destruction, our soldiers are underpaid and often under-supplied when going into battle. KBR and Halliburton are making a fortune, but soldiers are deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan again and again, living for a year or more at a time on an income far lower than they were making at their jobs, and not being treated properly for the damage done to them physically and emotionally.

Bin Laden casued a lot of pain in our American lives. It is good that he is dead, but we are not without blame.