It’s great to talk about redemption and forgiveness — Christ did it all the time. The tough part, though, is to really do it when called upon.

I am a survivor of child sex abuse. My abuser was someone my family loved and trusted and he went to his grave with “our secret” intact.

Ten years ago, a man in our church was convicted of raping his 9-year-old grand-niece and sent to prison. On Palm Sunday that year, our pastor preached a sermon about redemption and forgiveness. He said the man is still a child of God and we are called to love him.

My thought was, “God forgive me, but no way!”

Later, I sent an e-mail to the pastor to tell him about what survivors of childhood sex abuse face for the rest of their lives, and explaining why I wasn’t ready to love this man. Leave it to God to love him, I said, because I can’t.

As a Christian, I knew the pastor was right, but I wasn’t there yet. I know what that little girl will have to deal with for the rest of her life.

Then on Friday, I ran into someone I know from around town, who gave me a big bear hug. We began talking about the book I’m trying to write about my son’s life, and he offered me some advice about the writer’s block I’m trying to get past. I have reached the part where Mike moved to Savannah, but I know what happens next and on some level I don’t want to write it.

“Just write,” my friend said. “You can go back and rewrite later, but you need to keep moving ahead. Don’t allow yourself to be stuck.”

He showed me a book on grammar he just published and mentioned he had sent it to a couple of people at the paper, but hadn’t heard anything back.

“They have issues with me,” he said. “I can’t blame them. I had a scrape with the law a few years ago.”

He spoke as though I would know what it was, and when I didn’t, he reminded me: he had been caught with child porn on his computer. I could see the shock on my husband’s face and hoped mine didn’t show the same.

“I did 10 months in prison,” he said. “I went through a lot of counseling, did a lot of self-examination and I understand a lot about myself now.”

So, he’s in recovery much the same as my son was after he quit drugs and alcohol.

So now I am faced with a real person who has done something abominable. Do I believe the words I have preached all my life about people who have done things wrong and then sincerely repented, or am I a hypocrite?

This man could have run to a town where people didn’t know him or his past. He could have walked away from here, except this is his home. He has faced the consequences for the terrible thing he did and now is trying to rebuild his life.

It would have been easier if he had robbed a liquor store and shot someone. Part of me wanted to ask if he had any idea what happened to those children he was looking at, but then I realized that’s part of what he deals with every day now as he tries to move ahead in his life.

If I am to get beyond what happened to me — which I can not change — then I have to allow others to get beyond their past as well.

I can rewrite portions of my book, but not my life. I can’t bring Mike back; I can’t retrieve my innocence. I have to look ahead. Just as my friend is trying to do; in fact, it’s all he has now.

Perhaps the best way to heal myself is to walk with him as a friend so perhaps we can heal together.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev deserves a fair trial.

I know there are plenty of people who disagree with me, but as horrible as the crime was, we live in a country where the Constitution guarantees him a fair trial.

I had a lengthy discussion on Facebook last night (and continuing into today) about whether Tsarnev deserves a trial before we kill him, preferably the same way he killed the two people in Boston.

First of all, even if he has confessed, he still has a right to a trial. One person kept saying he gave up those rights when he set the bombs, but our Constitutional rights are supposed to be inviolate. The reason they were established was for cases like this one, where people are calling for a lynching.

On March 5, 1770, British soldiers killed five citizens. Attorney John Adams (later vice president and president) agreed to defend the soldiers at trial because this founding father believed everyone has the right to a fair trial. That right was enshrined into the Constitution because of cases like this one, where the accused has committed a particularly heinous crime.

But this is still the United States and we are still a nation governed by laws, not whims. You may want this man dead, but that doesn’t make it right to kill him.

I have been accused of condoning terrorist acts and of supporting terrorism because I want to see this man get a fair trial. I know it comes from emotion, but really, it’s quite a stretch from defending someone’s rights under the US Constitution to being a supporter of terror.

As for the death penalty, I see that as a way to increase the body count by one. That’s about it. I do not condone the taking of a life, especially in a nation where so many innocent people have sat on Death Row.

For one thing, there’s that pesky period at the end of the Sixth Commandment. No footnotes, no exceptions, “Thou shalt not kill.”

Some say the word is more accurately translated as murder, but if you’re pumping poison into someone to stop his or her heart, that’s a deliberate killing, which is the definition of murder.

And as my favorite lapel button says, “Why do we kill people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong?”

Finally, when we end someone’s life, we rob them of any chance of redemption. I don’t think it’s ever our call to do that.

So, let me say it again, I am not a terrorist and I don;t support acts of terror; I just think this kid deserves his Constitutional rights, just as I do.

Dan Peterson

My friend Dan Petersen has decided to fast, perhaps with prayer, perhaps with meditation. I think he got the idea when Asheville Mayor Terry Bellamy said she would fast and pray about the financial mess the city is in because of the state’s raid of its assets.

I ran into Dan last week and he told me about the fast and asked if he could send me e-mails documenting his progress, and I responded by asking if I could post the e-mails.

The deal was made. Here is Dan’s first e-mail:

Here I am at the end of day three. Time just flies by these days, and in the interest of feeling less food obsessed I’m glad for it. Day three is always a milestone in the world of fasting. If it’s a three day fast (quite a typical period for a cleanse) then woo-hoo lets have a little breakfast. If it’s a longer fast then its a milestone because by now one’s body has switched to it’s reserve feeding process. It is now consuming fat rather than quick at-hand resources that everyday eating provides. And for some reason the feeling of being hungry now subsides. So… not that it’s a breeze, but it’s a lot easier than most people think.

 As far as the prayer portion of “fasting with prayer” goes, it may or may not be easy. I think it depends on where one has been on the journey with regard to religion, spirituality, family, self awareness and confidence. And the confidence part, at least for me, changes all the time.

 I personally was brought up going to a Christian church, and so by default, lean in that direction. But what I have deemed to be lies, deception, treachery and simply put, outright abuse by those so-called Christian leaders both close and far have given me a sour taste for my religion.

 Though in truth I think all religions are in the same boat. Not bad, just victims of the wretched people who abuse the power.

 I keep reminding myself that the Jesus person also was disgusted by what was being passed off as religion in his day. And that he must have felt as angry and bitter toward those leaders as I do about our present day pharisee-like leaders today.

 Particularly when blended with dirty politics.

 So I would have to say that many of my prayers, were they aloud, would sound more like a barroom brawl. And in my prayers, I’m winning the fight and our illustrious pharisee leaders in Raleigh are catching the business end of thrown beer mugs right in the chops.

 But then I realize that is exactly what they are legislatively doing to the good people of North Carolina. And I don’t want to be anything like them. So if prayers have anything to do with religion, I need new prayers, new understanding of what my religion should mean to me.

 The Dalai Lama person seemed to say it the best for me in this quote:

“The very purpose of religion is to control yourself, not to criticize others. Rather, we must criticize ourselves. How much am I doing about my anger? About my attachment, about my hatred, about my pride, my jealousy? These are the things that we must check in life.”

 Perhaps I should send this quote to our present day pharisees.

Once again, thanks Harry Reid. This time it’s for refusing to include an assault weapons ban in the Senate gun legislation.

Reid is a member of the National Rifle Association and he has caved to their rhetoric.

God forbid we should regulate guns in any way because the Second Amendment gives us the right to possess whatever firepower we want.

It’s as though our founders wanted us to be a lawless nation, shooting whomever we please because they have offended us in some way.

Having a madman shoot dozens of children is just collateral damage to these creeps. It’s better to have children tote guns to school than to take away the weapons of mass destruction from anyone.

Let’s face it, our mental health system is horribly broken. But that is not what’s causing these deaths. The vast majority of people with mental health issues are not violent. They will not take up a gun and kill everyone in sight.

But a few will, and we refuse to take away the most egregious weapon available to them.

Another point made by the NRA is that criminals won’t obey the law. Well, dufusses, that’s what makes them criminals and that’s why we arrest them and lock them up when we catch them committing crimes. Should we abolish all our laws because criminals ignore them?

And when they talk about enforcing the laws we have on the books, tell them they need to insist that Congress appoint a full-time director the the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. That would go a long way in the fight to enforce the laws that haven’t already been watered down or outright repealed.

It’s time to stand up to the NRA and to take out Harry Reid.

Diane Feinstein has said she will fight for the assault weapons ban. Perhaps she would make a better majority leader. God knows she has the spine to stand up to the moneyed interests in this fight. That’s more than we can say for Harry Reid.