Where is my compassion?

The siblings and their children in 1977. Bill is on the lower right corner.

The siblings and their children in 1977. Bill is on the lower right corner.

The two young men who owned Waking Life Espresso in West Asheville are sorry for their behavior. It appears they really are undergoing some serious self-examination.

In my mind it’s too little, too late.

I do feel badly about what they’re going through. It isn’t easy thinking everything is OK and you’re a real player and all, and then having all of it come crashing down around your ears. I know that must be almost as hard on them as the women who were their victims.

I get it.

But I’m not ready to give them my energy.

Right now, I’m giving that energy to my brother, who is in prison in California for molesting his daughter.

I wanted to walk away from my brother, and I stayed out of touch for several years. But early this summer I got a letter from him. He is alone. Really alone. No one is interviewing him and asking what his future holds. We know what it holds — another 30 years behind bars in a for-profit prison, where he has no money and not enough to eat.

California is charging him $10,000 in restitution, and if I send him money for extra food, the state takes most of it. The rest goes into the pockets of the profiteers who run the prison where he is incarcerated.

The health care in his prison is horrible — one of his fellow inmates died from an asthma attack a couple of weeks ago because he wasn’t getting the care he needed.

As a survivor of abuse, it was hard for me to read his letter and understand his desperation. It took him 10 years to admit what he had done. After he had stopped abusing his daughter because he found God, he figured it was OK if he denied what he had done to humans, as long as he confessed to God.

He has learned that’s not the case, and he has confessed and is trying to work through his guilt and shame. He, too, is a survivor of child sexual abuse. He knows it’s not likely his daughter will be able to forgive him, although he prays it will happen someday. He also prays for reconciliation with his wife.

So now, with me being the only person who will stay in touch with him, I have to try and help him see there is hope for tomorrow. I have to be his support, no matter how much emotional energy it takes. I have to remember that he is human and no one deserves to be utterly alone.

So, when people suggest I need to forgive the two men from Waking Life, who have lost their business but not their freedom, I have to say I will leave that to others.

I chose not to listen to the interview that came out today. I don’t think that means I am unkind or unforgiving; I think it means I have enough emotional work on my plate right now that I am caring for my brother’s needs.

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